Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
