can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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