he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
