So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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