i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
