It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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