shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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