i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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