At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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