You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
