He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
