I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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