apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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