She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
