sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize