hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
