I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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