You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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