So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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