pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
