you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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