The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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