Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
