I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
