Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
