Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
