the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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