I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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