i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
