You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
