he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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