he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
