I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
