i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
