i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
