So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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