I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
