The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
