I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
