I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
