i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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