hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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