im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
