I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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