$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
