i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Randomize
