Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
