The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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