Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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