did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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