ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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