we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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