I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone shit on the floor
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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