he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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