You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
