The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
