I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
