hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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