I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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