i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
