At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
