Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
