I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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