I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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