If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
