Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
