Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
