SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
