I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
