She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
