I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
