Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
