NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
